La Grande Bellezza Receives Pulitzer Grand Prize - Journalism's Highest Honor

§  La Grande Bellezza  §

Sorrentino's Oscar-winning & film and tribute to Fellini has been recognized by cultural commentators the world over for giving the world a new nauseating description for italophiles of the 21st century.  The title of his film, displacing the hackneyed La Dolce Vita when referring to every single aspect of Italian life, sweet or not, we now have a new term of phrase.  

According to Google, La Grande Bellezza has already been used in the English and Italian press to describe everything from a night out in Rome to walking tours to Italian runway models and even the Detroit Auto Show - Really?! - over 6.789.438.000 times (and counting).  So much so, the NYTimes is considering mounting a fast-paced time clock just ringing up whenever someone - anyone - from Saskatchewan to Seattle uses the phrase in a blog, article, newsletter, profile, you name it.  A spokesperson for the Times commented, "Well, this is so much more important - I mean, it took centuries for Et Tu, Brutus? to die out.  We think La Grande Bellezza won't even become nauseating until at least 2340."

It's been said that Fellini can stop shouting from his grave, "Ironia!  Ironia!  Ow many times must I cry out in desperation, Irony!" and rest finalmente in peace.  As for the Pulitzer committee, starting this April, they have decided to rename their esteemed prize, La Grande Bellezza.

Italy...And the Art of the Impossible

Italians love to use the expression that they are experts at the Art of the Impossible, and...judging from history...there's a lot of truth to that.  But now, the announcement by British model and Social Enterprise Entrepreneur Lily Cole to launch her life's mission, Impossible.com well, Italians see that they must step up to the plate.

Click here for full webcast from The Guardian

Surprisingly articulate for a blonde model, Lily Cole took the Italian press by a storm with her announcement to launch a social enterprise that will help people achieve their dreams.  But for Italians, the real story behind her activism was that this youthful Lily sits on boards or donates time, energy and funds to over 20 social foundations.  This sparked an outrage amongst Italian models, first among them, Carla Bruni, who stated, "Why would anyone want to actually work, when they can just marry the President of a country?  It does wonders (along with plastic surgery) for the staying power of your failed career."

Not to be outdone, Berlusconi's Friends with Big Benefits [which includes monthly stipends, jewelry, private planes and hush money], said they were announcing a new online site, too, called "Possibile" -  written in Italian so no one can ever find it - where they would teach other aspiring call girls how anything is possible if you just 'know the right people."


Ruby Rubacuore (in English, Ruby Heartstealer) said she'll teach women how to revive a flacid member in 6 minutes or less.  She says that she'll offer unique workshops on working a penis pump so even an octogenerian Lothario can believe he's all in.  The amount of money you can make is obscene; enough to buy your own sportscars or Rolex watches.  

Nicole Minetti will work the angle of teaching organizational skills for any aspiring Madam.  Her motto?  Why give away money if you don't get something in return?  She'll show women the ropes of sleeping your way around the houses of the European Parliament as well.   "The amount of money politicians are willing to throw your way? Ridiculous.  I'm so glad I can actually do something worthwhile with my riches.  By showing others how to suck at the public teat so to speak (after getting your own blown up to epic proportions) will be terrific."

Noemi Letizia who is remembered by having a visit by Silvio at her 18 yr birthday party says she's been able to capitalize on her "friendship with Papi" by finding the ideal plastic surgeon who will keep her looking like all of the President's women - with those big fish lips and ironed blonde hair.  "Anything is possible if you just close your eyes when you suck him off and dream of the gifts that will be on your way."

And finally, the Dama Bianca, Federica Gagliardi (arrested today while trying to import 24kg of coke from Venezuela) will show you how to "Just ask for favors in a quick elevator pitch (my secret: It helps to look like the Silvio 'Type' - blonde & big-lipped).  I told Papi I wanted a private jet to the G20, before you knew it, I had half a dozen men to sleep with and ply me with cocaine.  I'm so happy I can show women how to blow through the blow, so to speak. So they can be a model for others and show that they, too, can make riches and not do anything noteworthy with them (well, buying a nice villa is, of course, always a good thing in this day & age - you never know when you're under House Arrest).  

People will understand that with our new endeavor, anything is Possibile.  Anything.  So just take it lying down if someone tells you otherwise.

"Veronica" Lario - Mrs. Berlusconi 2

Italians Flip Out over Women Cabinet Members in New Renzi Govt

Italy's youngest Prime Minister decided to take a very bold step - not in campaigning against government corruption, the mafia, and a bingo card of problems that beset Italy in the 21st century - but in his appointment of an unsightly crowd to help solve Italy's most severe problems:  Women.  
Italians, in response said that it "might be fine for Pope Francis and the Holy See" to put women in plum jobs, but, asserted that Italy is a Catholic country -- where women are reserved for only one high office: The Assumption of the Virgin, celebrated each August 15th.  
Some observers from Berlusconi's government were indignant, stating that "Women, especially the young ones, need to be seen in the back seats of limos with darkened windows or at plastic surgeons' waiting rooms and after, in centerfolds or the Pirelli Calendar" - but not standing in broad daylight with the President of the country. 
To keep octogenarian President Napolitano's blood pressure in check, he was told that the women were there to take measurements for new drapes and posed happily for the 'before' pictures in the reception room.

Others from the Left -- clearly unhappy that the women were so green they hadn't yet conceived of lining their pockets with bribes in order to sport the latest fashions at top euro prices -- complained that the Cabinet members should have "Put in a call to Armani" like Berlusconi's hooker-hookerupper, Nicole Minetti.

After an all-male film crew then sexually harassed the neo-Minister Boschi; taking it so far as to not addressing her with the formal "Lei" reserved for men in power only, they said they wanted to teach her a lesson.  "How dare she wear a color not found in nature - and during fashion week, of all things!"

Observers remarked that sadly, Italians truly hate change.  They much prefer men in black and grey suits while their mistresses can sport any color of tanga produced by La Perla.  That way, they stay distracted by the 'eye candy' while the millions stuffed in leather cases are passed from one to another, without anyone noticing.  "Now with women in high office, where is she going to stuff all the bribes?  In her bra?" one developer, who asks to remain anonymous, commented in disgust.

More on the Sexist Fixation from The Daily Mail